Define Marriage
What do I mean by “marriage”?
A marriage in God’s eyes is not necessarily the same as a marriage in the eyes of civil law. According to Jesus and Paul we should take our model of marriage from how it was “in the beginning” - the “one flesh” union of Adam and Eve (see e.g. Matthew 19:5 and Ephesians 5:31). For them and their children after them there was no civil law of marriage but they were married in God’s eyes. The essence of the marriage relationship was a commitment to a permanent “one flesh” union in which sex played a part in sealing the union (see 1 Corinthians 6:16). ​​​​​​​​​​​​​
The congregations Paul wrote to included many slaves and slaves could not form marriages under Roman law. However where their masters approved, they could form “contubernia” - permanent sexual companionships with other slaves. When Paul talked about marriage it’s inconceivable he was not including such slave couples, especially since he declared in Galatians 3:28 that in Christ “there is no slave or free.” In a similar way, in England until the mid-18th century poorer folk often formed informal “common law” marriages based simply on the partners' commitments to each other without the requirement for any witnesses or a ceremony.
Logically, I believe the same must apply today, not just to legal civil partners, but to any couple in a sexual relationship who are permanently committed to each other as monogamous partners. People like my workmate Mark who has been engaged to his partner Bev for many years and with whom he has a 15-year-old son. Such couples may not have got legally spliced for all sorts of reasons – often because of the expected cost. Some might joke that they’re “living in sin”, but actually in God’s eyes I believe that, even without the paperwork, they’re already living “in marriage”, just like Adam and Eve, Roman contuburnia and old English “common law” spouses. However, speaking as a lawyer, I would advise such couples to get legally married so that they both enjoy the rights and responsibilities of marriage in the eyes of the law as well as God!
I will further explore the Bible’s understanding of marriage in my Bible, Sex & Marriage section.