A Tale of Two Singers Part Two – “Broken horse” Brandi
- Jeremy Horton
- 15 hours ago
- 5 min read
Who Believes In Angels? was the wonderful album Brandi Carlile co-wrote with Elton John. Brandi’s own answer to that question is – me! And she doesn’t just believe in angels, she believes in Jesus, too. To me, Brandi’s life is a wonderful illustration of how the revisionist teaching about same-sex marriage fulfils Jesus’s declaration in John 10:10 that he'd come so that people may have “life ... to the full.”
But 26 years ago, at her baptism service, her youth pastor presented the 18-year-old Brandi with a thinner life-choice: Jesus or your girlfriend. Be a Christian or a lesbian. She didn’t reject Jesus, but she rejected this false choice between God and the person God had made her to be. She wasn’t rejected by God, but tragically was rejected by his church. And so, like many other young gay Christians, this traumatic experience started Brandi on a path apart from her God.
What a tragedy if she’d continued that way. Because Brandi had fallen "in love with Jesus" from very young. Aged four, she’d seen him bring her through life-threatening meningitis. And aged six, she experienced a miraculous answer to her prayers about her night terrors. One night, after her usual children’s music tape ended, something extraordinary happened: the tape didn’t stop. Instead, she heard “big, gorgeous, angelic voices [singing] about peace and unseen guardians.” For many nights, this heavenly music brought her divine reassurance and peace from her night terrors. “It was my proof that God is real ... Music is still my proof that God is real.”
Perhaps that early angelic blessing was preparing Brandi for a tough childhood: a loving but poor and chaotic family, more childhood illness and anxieties, and long absences from school. All these things marked her out as different, an outsider, something bruised and broken. All the more so when, in her early teens, she realised she was gay. But in her music, voice and life, God took that difference and brokenness and fashioned them into something daringly beautiful. The stand-out metaphor for this became Brandi’s broken horses - not horses that have been tamed, but literal broken, discarded horses - the only sort her impoverished parents could afford to buy. To Brandi, these beautiful, broken creatures she fell in love with were "the most unbroken thing in the world, but were only accessible to me because of their brokenness.” She came to see in them a reflection of herself and her artistry. Hence, the song and autobiography she named after them.
That sense of being a different, broken horse seems to have fired Brandi as a rebel. It was this, perhaps, that enabled her to take her stand against traditionalist Church teaching that rejected her lesbian identity and her right to marry the woman she fell in love with. So when, at her baptism service, she was told the church wouldn’t let her have that, broken horse Brandi chose to run. As she says in the song, “Only broken horses know to run”. Then, for several years, she found herself running wild - away from God, it seemed. In truth, he was always running with her. But she only realised that when she turned round to see him and started talking to him again.
Ten years later, her life had kind of run out of road – a long-term relationship was ending, a fall-out with their new producer had sucked out her confidence as a singer. Then just when she needed it most, once again, something wonderful happened. Her beloved late Grandpa Vernon came to her in a dream and assured her she could really sing. It was like a divine hand reaching out to pull her up.
She woke up and prayed for the first time in years, thanking God. That dream started Brandi on a fresh path. She reconciled with her former producer, ended her relationship, and dove deep into Scripture. She studied the Bible, and the works of many great evangelical writers. She found the courage to confront her fear of church induced by that traumatic rejection 10 years earlier. She was finally baptized on Easter Sunday, 2009 - fully embraced by the God who had never let her go.
Brandi considered enrolling in a seminary, but, ultimately, she would find what she was really looking for on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean - the love of her life, her future English wife, Catherine Shepherd, whom she met a year later. In 2012–13, they married ... three times! Legally in Boston, ceremonially in Seattle, and again in London. As Brandi says, "When you are told your whole life that it's wrong for two women or two men to marry … a reckoning is imperative…. A person's self-worth is dictated by what inalienable rights are allowed to them. The right to not live your life alone is a big one. If your family can accept you, if they want to celebrate your life and bear witness to your solemn vow, you'll have as many weddings as you need to."
Catherine and Brandi have now been gloriously happy together for 13 years. They share two daughters, Evangeline and Elijah, celebrated in Brandi’s music—Evangeline in her namesake song and Elijah in Mama is a Werewolf. Brandi describes Catherine as her “absolute best friend,” her confidante, and her partner in everything.
Their marriage has been a great blessing to each other and their beloved daughters, but to so many others too. It has empowered Brandi, with her "angel"-twins, Phil and Tim Hanseroth, to continue writing fantastic music that brings joy to an ever-growing audience. More than that; with Catherine at the helm, their charity, the Looking Out Foundation, has put their faith in Jesus into real-world Matthew 25 action, translating “voices of song to voices of action” to help those who need it most - like AIDS victims and children caught in conflict zones (for whom Brandi is a global ambassador. Seehttps://www.lookingoutfoundation.org/
I believe Brandi and Catherine's marriage is a beautiful example of the “good fruit” of revisionist teaching. It surely illustrates that affirming and celebrating same-sex marriages does people good and saves and enriches lives. It therefore abundantly fulfils Christ’s law of love, and so meets Scripture’s own ultimate test for how we should apply Scripture (See e.g. Romans 13:10, Galatians 5:7 Luke 6:9).
But I believe there are rather different stories to tell about the fruits of traditionalist teaching. I’ll look at one of those stories next time – about another divinely-gifted lesbian Christian singer-songwriter of the same generation as Brandi.
Next time: A Tale of Two Singers Part Three – “Undivided” Vicky
This blog is based on Brandi's brilliant autobiography, "Broken Horses". See under Autobiographies in my Further Resources for the link to purchase.
Teaching Links
I believe the ultimate test for correctly applying Scripture is the law of Christ's love - what does people good or harm. To understand why, I'm convinced, Scripture itself shows us this is the right test, please read my section, Tests - in summary or long version.
To explore further why, I believe, affirming same-sex marriage fulfils that test, please read my section, The Answers - in short, medium or long versions.
A Little Gift from me!
I'm a HUUGE fan of Brandi's music! For those wanting to explore her/their music further through Spotify, this is the link to my own Brandi playlist:
My profile image above is by courtesy of Brachers LLP
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