A Tale of Two Clerics "Choosing to Grow in Love" Jason’s Story Part One The Longer Read

For a summary version of this post, follow the link here: A Tale of Two Clerics “Choosing to Grow in Love” Jason’s Story Part One Shorter Version

Jason and Roy. Both bible-loving, Jesus-centred Christians, who happen to be gay. Both called to serve Jesus as full-time church ministers, but neither called to celibacy.

Joyously, Jason has been able to build his life, ministry and family, strengthened by the love and support of his husband Ben with whom he fell in love as a teenager and who he married in June 2022.

But, tragically, for Roy falling in love with another man in his 40s ultimately removed the very foundations upon which his life, ministry and family had been built. And so, as we saw in my earlier blog posts, it all came crashing to the ground on one September day in 1999. That day he was very publicly (and inaccurately) outed as “the leading evangelical” who had “left his wife and children for another man”. (See my earlier post https://www.affirmingevangelical.uk/post/a-tale-of-two-clerics-roy-clements-story-part-3-1992-1999 ). And, although the Lord in his grace restored good things for Roy, he still lives with great loss from that life-crash. (See my earlier post https://www.affirmingevangelical.uk/post/a-tale-of-two-clerics-a-different-life-roy-clements-story-part-4-1999-20 )

If Roy’s story highlights the great harm done by rejecting gay people’s need for a same-sex life-partner, Jason’s story illustrates the very opposite: the great good done by accepting gay people’s need for a same-sex husband or wife -- the goodness of love whose sweet streams flow into and beyond themselves, spilling over blessings to others whose lives they touch.

I believe the New Testament teaches us these two sides of love’s coin – promote good, avoid harm – form Scripture’s own ultimate test of Christ’s love for how we should understand and apply Scripture’s truths. This is just as Jesus and his apostles told and showed us. This test is like a twin river running alongside the test of the teaching’s fruit - both joining the same sea of God’s grace and mercy. I address this in detail in part five of the Tests section of my website. See https://www.affirmingevangelical.uk/tests 

Roy and Jason’s very different experiences and outcomes were determined by very different legal, social and moral environments for gay people. These were set by the very different eras in which they happened to be born and come of age – for Roy 1946 to 1967, for Jason 1993 to 2014.

1946 to 1967

The war years (1939-45) had seen a relative tolerance" of “hidden homosexuality”. But from 1946 - the year Roy was born - as society started to rebuild order, a “moral panic” set in, leading to a brutal police crackdown against male homosexuality. There was a huge increase in the prosecution and persecution of gay men for "gross indecency" and sodomy. By 1954, over 1,000 men were incarcerated for such offences. And the persecution of one gay man stands out: the brilliant mathematician and computer pioneer, Alan Turing. He should have been feted as a great war hero for helping crack the Nazi Enigma code. Instead, he was convicted of gross indecency and forced to undergo chemical castration to avoid prison, leading to his tragic suicide in 1954, aged only 41. (See: 10 things to know about Alan Turing | Bletchley Park )

This was the homosexually hostile era in which Roy was born and grew up.

By the time Roy had reached adolescence in 1959, the law, church and society all still strongly opposed to “homosexuality”. However, a slight thawing had started, as some started to question the law’s harshness. In response to high-profile “homosexual” scandals, the government-commissioned Wolfenden Report of 1957 recommended consensual private homosexual acts between men over 21 should no longer be a crime – a move, surprisingly, supported by senior Church of England bishops. But a poll that year showed that only 25% of the wider public supported such reform. And it wasn’t for a whole decade later that this reform was finally passed - in 1967, the year Roy himself reached 21 and graduated (and I was born).

As Roy says, the teaching of the church at that time – both amongst evangelicals and the wider church – was that “homosexuality” was simply “a sin that some were particularly prone to”. There was no understanding that a need for same-sex relationships was simply the way God had wired some to be. And this view entirely aligned with wider public thinking. Whilst the public increasingly accepted the decriminalisation of private homosexual acts, a 1965 poll found 93% of the UK public still saw “homosexuality” as a sickness to be treated. (See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_LGBTQ_history_in_the_British_Isles )

1993 to 2014

By 1993 - the year Jason was born – UK society was emerging from the 1980s' own period of “moral panic” over “homosexuality”, induced by the AIDs epidemic. This had led to Mrs  Thatcher’s infamous Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988, which prohibited the so-called ‘promotion of homosexuality’ by local authorities. (This was the era which malformed my own initial views about “homosexuality”). This panic had stalled any further progress of legal reform for gay people. However, by 1993, although section 28 remained on the statute book, there had been a significant thawing in the attitude of law and society towards same-sex relationships. Hence, by 1987 (to my then horror!), the BBC aired the first male “gay kiss” - on Eastenders between Colin and Barry (in reality just a peck on the forehead!). At that time, 64% of the public still opposed same-sex sexual relationships, but contrast that with attitudes 20 years earlier when 93% saw "homosexuality" as a disease. So, society’s attitudes were softening and continued to do so into the 1990s. 

High-profile activism by groups like Stonewall and OutRage! was challenging homophobic attitudes, leading to a decade where public opposition to same-sex relationships dropped below 50% for the first time by 2000. Legislative reform followed with Tony Blair’s New Labour governments (albeit mostly not until their second term). They equalised the age of sexual consent in 2000, gave same-sex couples equal adoption rights in 2002,  repealed the dreaded Section 28 in 2003, allowed same-sex civil partnerships from 2005, and the Equality Act 2006 outlawed discrimination on the grounds of sexuality. Such legal reforms in themselves helped influence society towards acceptance of same-sex relationships (the very opposite of what section 28 had been designed to do!)

So, by 2009 – the year Jason and Ben met – 63% of the British public already supported further progressive reform to allow same-sex marriage. That year saw a further significant marker of how far society had come to accepting same-sex relationships. Conservative Party and Opposition Leader, David Cameron, formally apologized for his party’s “mistaken” and “offensive” introduction of Section 28. And it was under his prime ministership that legislation finally allowed same-sex marriages from 2014 - the year Jason reached 21 and graduated.

Progress within the church was rather slower. Major denominations, including leaders of the Roman Catholic Church and the Church of England, officially opposed the repeal of Section 28 and the introduction of civil partnerships. Certainly, very few evangelicals openly supported same-sex relationships. There were notable pioneers like Dave Steele of One Church, Brighton, who recalls a falling-out on this issue with his fellow progressive evangelical, Steve Chalke. And it wasn’t until 2013 that more evangelicals, including Steve Chalke, started reassessing their positions on this issue. This particularly followed the publication of two seminal affirming evangelical books – James Brownson’s theological work, Bible Gender and Sexuality (2013) and Matthew Vines’ more populist, God and the Gay Christian, published the following year.

Both of these great works were instrumental in my own ‘conversion’ on this issue. (To purchase either, follow the links here : Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church's Debate on Same-Sex Relationships: Amazon.co.uk: Brownson, James V: 9780802868633: Books and God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships (Revised and Expanded) : Vines, Matthew: Amazon.co.uk: Books)

But one denomination was ahead of the curve in embracing same-sex relationships – the Methodists.

Even by 1993 - the year Jason was born - their “Derby” Resolutions explicitly recognised, affirmed, and celebrated the participation and ministry of lesbians and gay men within the church. In 2006, their conference resolved that Methodist members and ministers could enter same-sex civil partnerships. In 2014 – the year Jason graduated from University – their conference confirmed there was no reason to prevent members or ministers from entering legally formed same-sex marriages or civil partnerships performed elsewhere. However, even they weren’t quite ready to allow same-sex marriage ceremonies on their own church premises.

In 2012, our teenage kids took part in a joint Methodist-Baptist youth service led by an obviously gay Methodist youth leader. As a still very conservative (and ignorant) Baptist I was horrified and let my kids know my disapproval on “scriptural” grounds. But they had no problem with it and our 15-year-old daughter was equally vociferous in her defence of gay Christians (good for Josie!)

Thankfully and providentially, it was within the Methodist Church that a teenage Jason had found his own faith in Jesus - a church family that warmly welcomed him and his boyfriend Ben as a couple, allowing Ben to find his own relationship with Jesus.

By contrast, back in 1967 as a young Nottingham University graduate, even if a sexually naif Roy had been aware of his gay orientation, no regular UK denomination offered a safe harbour for gay Christians. And it's a sobering thought that even today, nearly 60 years on,  the UK Reformed Baptist Church in which Roy had made his spiritual home have not moved a millimetre in their opposition to same-sex relationships. (My oldest friend who Roy baptised as a student leads one of these zealously conservative churches). The dwindling membership of these churches now number only about 12 thousand. But in the US, the like-minded Southern Baptists boast over 12 million members!

A young gay person coming to faith within such a church environment would be fed exactly the same false homophobic teaching that Roy was. So, sadly and inevitably, such churches will still be breeding new Roys - faithful, gifted teachers, building sandcastles on a beach of lies about who they are - until the tide one day sends it all crashing down.

Q & As with Jason McMahon-Riley

Please tell me something about your childhood and your relationships with your parents and siblings. Was it a mainly “happy” childhood, a troubled one or a mixture of both?

My childhood was, like most people’s, a mixture of both. There were ordinary joys - family life, school, music - and there were also the quieter struggles of trying to understand myself. I grew up in a context where faith wasn't present, where church life was not my lived experience. My relationships in childhood, however, shaped me deeply. Like many gay people of my generation, there was an undercurrent of difference I couldn’t quite name at first. I wouldn’t describe my childhood as unhappy - but I would say it involved learning to navigate who I was in environments that didn’t always have a language for that.

Was there anything that happened to you in your childhood that you think could explain why you turned out gay? Or do you think that's simply the way God made you?

No, I don’t believe anything “happened” to make me gay. I believe this is simply the way God made me. Over time - through prayer, theology, pastoral experience, and living honestly - I’ve come to see my sexuality not as a problem to be explained but as part of my created identity. Psalm 139 speaks of being “fearfully and wonderfully made,” and I believe that includes my sexuality. Being gay is not a wound in my story. It is part of the gift of who I am.

Looking back, when did you yourself first realise that you were gay? What made you aware of that? 

For me, it was things like the kinds of friendships I had, the fact that I wasn’t interested in girls in the way people expected teenage boys to be, and simply the way I carried myself. Like many people, I first became aware of being different during early adolescence (around 13). Attraction wasn’t theoretical - it was emotional, physical, and undeniable. I realised I was attracted to boys before I had language for what that meant. My friendships with girls were often warm and meaningful - but they have never carried the same emotional or physical pull. There wasn’t one lightning-bolt moment, but rather a gradual awareness that the feelings I had weren’t the ones expected of me. 

Like you, I met and fell in love with my future life-partner (Hannah) very young. I’d had only a handful of brief girlfriends before her and only one of these was at all serious. What, if any, boyfriends did you have before Ben?

Yes, like you and Hannah, Ben and I were “teenage sweethearts”. And like many people who meet their partner young, I had only two brief teenage romances before meeting Ben. But those early experiences were part of learning about myself rather than lasting relationships

Hannah and I had first met through a church youth group when we were in our mid-teens and started dating when I was 16 and she was 15 (she’s a year and a half younger than me). How and when did you and Ben meet and start dating? 

Ben and I met when we were young at Sixth Form College – Ben was 17 and I was 16. (Like you there’s a 1 ½ year age gap between us). Our relationship grew out of friendship. Over time, that friendship deepened into something much more significant.

I first sort of proposed to Hannah in 1985 when I was only 17 and just before she was 16 - albeit in terms of "would you marry me one day?” How long did it take you to realise that you were "the one" for each other? 

Like you, we started dating as teenagers and grew up alongside each other. Rather than one dramatic moment of “knowing,” it was a gradual realisation that our lives were becoming deeply intertwined. However, quite early in our relationship, Ben actually made a very similar proposal to the one you made to Hannah.

What, if anything, first made your family aware you might be gay?

I think often people suspect before anything is said. Often, families notice small things long before anything is spoken. Sometimes parents simply sense when their child is holding something important about themselves, and this was no different to mine. But awareness and conversation are two very different things. It wasn't until my mum found a love letter that things became obvious.

Tell us more about that love letter!

It was 2009, so I would still have been 16 and Ben was 17 or 18. While tidying my bedroom, my mum found a love letter from Ben telling me how much he loved me and that one day he’d marry me. I’m delighted to say that promise, made in 2009, was made true 13 years later in 2022! What I can say is that for many LGBTQ+ people, early expressions of affection - letters, notes, quiet confidences - often become the first ways we explore feelings we don’t yet fully understand.

So it was Ben who (inadvertently) outed you! And you really were as young as Hannah and I when you fell in love with each other. But what makes Ben’s promise of marriage to you in 2009 more amazing was that at that time marriage between two men still wasn’t legally possible – not for another 5 years! (even same-sex civil partnerships had only been recognised for 4 years). So, making that promise was a real act of faith as much as love! 

There were so many different things about Hannah that I fell in love, but overall I just came to see this was an amazing, beautiful, fun, kind, caring young woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. What was it about Ben that you fell in love with?

Ben’s steadiness. His kindness. His humour. His loyalty. He has a groundedness that anchors me.

What was it about you that Ben would say he fell in love with?

Perhaps that I’m passionate, reflective, a control freak (!), occasionally intense - but deeply committed.

Aside from your mum’s discovery of Ben’s love letter, was there a “coming out” moment for you when you told others that you were gay? Or did everyone just naturally recognise you were gay?

Coming out is rarely one single moment - it’s a series of conversations. There were intentional moments where I chose honesty. And there were also relationships where people simply recognised and accepted me as I am. Coming out isn’t a performance. It’s an act of trust. I have found that each conversation I have with someone new is another coming out.

How did yours and Ben’s families respond to learning you were gay and in a relationship with Ben?

Families sometimes need time to process things, especially if sexuality isn’t something they have thought about before. Over time, both of our families have come to know and love us as we are. Seeing the stability of a relationship, the commitment to one another, and now our journey into adoptive parenthood has helped people recognise that our life together is built on love and faithfulness.

Growing up did you ever face any hostility, discrimination or rejection for being gay – at school, for example? Have you faced any of that as an adult?

Yes - both growing up and as an adult. School can be unkind to anyone perceived as different. Casual comments, stereotypes, assumptions - they leave a mark. As an adult, hostility has been subtler but still present at times, particularly in church contexts where theology becomes personal. As a gay couple, Ben and I have occasionally encountered assumptions or awkwardness simply for existing together. But we have also experienced extraordinary love, affirmation, and support - especially within the Methodist Church of Great Britain as it continues to grow in its justice-seeking and affirming the dignity and worth of all God's people.

What did you most hate and most enjoy about school? 

What did I most hate about school? Probably the social politics - the pressure to fit a mould. What did I love? Music. Music was a place where I felt fully myself. It gave me a language when I didn’t yet have words for my inner life. Whether in worship, performance, or directing, music has always been a space of integration - heart, mind, spirit.

What, if any, hostility have you or Jason ever known just for being a gay couple?

We have known occasional discomfort and theological challenge, especially in church spaces. But we have also known extraordinary grace. Being accepted as adoptive parents after a long and challenging process was a profound affirmation of our shared life and vocation.

Do you ever regret having settled down with your partner so young rather than “playing the field”?

Not for a moment! Growing together has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. Love isn’t about sampling options; it’s about choosing each other again and again. 

That’s exactly how I feel about Hannah and I couldn't have expressed it better. As with you and Ben, it feels such a privilege to have done life together from so young and it’s no doubt saved us both a lot of heartbreaks!

After 41 ½ years together, I’m still crazily in love Hannah. However, there are other women – both on screen and in real life – that I get crushes on. Thankfully, I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve been tempted to be unfaithful. (Of course, if Nicole Kidman suddenly offered herself … !)  Have you ever been tempted to stray?

Any long relationship requires commitment and honesty. Like anyone in a committed partnership, you can notice other people or feel admiration or attraction - that’s simply part of being human. But love is ultimately about choosing faithfulness. Ben and I have built our relationship on trust, and that commitment matters deeply to me.

What, if any, “traits” do you see in yourself might be connected to being gay?

I’m cautious about suggesting there are universal “gay traits,” because gay people are as varied as anyone else. But if I reflect personally, there are aspects of my personality that may have been shaped by growing up aware that I was different.

One is empathy. When you grow up feeling slightly outside the assumed norm, you often develop a deep sensitivity to other people who feel marginalised or overlooked. That has shaped the way I approach ministry and pastoral care.

Another is creativity and emotional expressiveness. Music, worship, and the arts have always been places where I feel completely myself. I don’t know if that’s because I’m gay or simply because that’s who I am, but many LGBTQ+ people find creative expression becomes a language for identity and belonging.

And perhaps also self-reflection. Growing up gay often means thinking deeply about who you are, what you believe, and where you belong. That kind of reflection has certainly shaped my theology and faith.

An interesting thought about becoming aware of being gay and different has made you more empathetic, especially to the marginalised. Although I'm very heterosexual, growing up I often felt slightly different to others and a bit of an outsider - a bit eccentric, with probably some undiagnosed autism! I do think that’s probably made me feel more empathetic towards others who are marginalised, whether that’s because of their race, sexuality, gender or poverty. I guess that's part of what God used to draw me to write this website.

Since your family had no church background, who introduced you to Jesus and how and when did you come to faith?

Faith in Jesus came into my life through relationships and community. Over time, I discovered the person of Christ not just intellectually but spiritually — through worship, Scripture, prayer and the witness of others. It was thanks to a Methodist Local Preacher who happened to be my recital accompanist for my A-Level music exam, who invited me to her church to play in a concert for Christian Aid. After that, I joined the music rota and soon found that I wanted to attend church even when I wasn’t on the rota!

That journey eventually led me into ordained ministry in the Methodist Church of Great Britain, where faith, justice, community, and pastoral care are deeply intertwined.

I did have some family faith background but, like you, I discovered Jesus primarily through the friendship and witness of others – especially the wonderful leaders of our church youth group, Peggy and Phil.

What has Jesus come to mean to you and how you live your life? 

My faith in Jesus has been central to my life. I was ordained into full connexion in the Methodist Church of Great Britain, and ministry shapes my daily living. Jesus is not simply an idea to me; He is the pattern of my life - the One who reveals what God is like. Faith is not abstract theology. It is lived discipleship - in adoption, in marriage, in preaching, in community. 

I’m not ordained, but I do chime with your experience of becoming Jesus’s disciple. It’s something too many evangelicals like me, I think, too easily lose touch with, forgetting that Jesus didn’t come to acquire “followers” like some social media influencer but to make disciples who lived like he did! (Matt. 28:19-20). I found John Mark Comer’s ‘Practising the Way’ a great corrective to this. (To purchase, follow the link: Practicing the Way: Be with Jesus. Become like him. Do as he did: Amazon.co.uk: Comer, John Mark: 9780281086672: Books )

What, if any, homophobic church teaching or hostility have you ever known and how did that make you feel and how have you responded to that?

I have encountered church teaching that framed same-sex relationships as inherently sinful. That was painful. Not because I reject Scripture, but because I love it! I believe deeply in the authority of Scripture - but I also believe interpretation matters. Context matters. Christ matters. My response has not been to walk away from the Church, but to stay, serve, and witness to a wider, more generous reading of God’s love.

Good for you, Jason! Sadly, too many of your LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters have been turned away from the gospel by false homophobic church teaching.

What’s your own understanding of what the Bible teaches about “homosexuality” and same-sex relationships?

I believe the Bible must be read as a whole through the lens of Christ. The handful of passages often cited do not describe loving, covenanted, faithful same-sex relationships as we understand them today. Scripture consistently upholds covenant, fidelity, justice, and love. I believe same-sex marriage can embody those same biblical virtues.

Amen to that, Jason, and from what I’ve seen yours and Ben’s marriage is a wonderful example and testimony of this truth!  

I know you wouldn't label yourself an “evangelical” Christian. What, if any, labels would you use to describe your own faith tradition/churchmanship?

I am a Methodist presbyter shaped by the Wesleyan tradition - sacramental, pastoral, mission-hearted, theologically reflective. If I use labels at all:

●        Wesleyan

●        Inclusive

●        Sacramental

●        Pastoral

●        Possibly Christian universalist in hope 

Where do you stand on the following points of belief shared by most evangelical Christians (albeit different evangelicals interpret them differently)? (These are taken from the Evangelical Alliance website. See: Basis of faith - Evangelical Alliance )

a.    The Trinity - one true God in three persons – Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

b.    The love, grace and sovereignty of God from beginning to end

c.    The authority of Scripture - its divine inspiration and supreme authority

d.    The dignity of all people - made in God’s image, but corrupted by sin leading to divine judgement.

e.    The incarnation -  of God’s eternal Son in Jesus – truly divine and truly human, yet without sin.

Yes. I’m fully and joyfully orthodox on all these points. 

f.     The atoning sacrifice of Christ on the cross - dying in our place, paying the price of sin and defeating evil, so reconciling us with God. 

I affirm the atoning work of Christ. I do not hold to a strictly penal substitutionary model. I am drawn more to relational, restorative, Christus Victor and self-giving love models of atonement.

I’m totally with you there, Jason. Like an increasing number of evangelicals, though I believe in substitutionary atonement, I too no longer believe it’s penal. On this, I'd highly recommend my friend Jeremy Marks’ excellent recent book, “If You've Seen Me, You've Seen the Father”. (To purchase, follow this link: If You've Seen Me, You've Seen the Father: Discovering God's True Face in Jesus: Amazon.co.uk: Marks, Jeremy, Marks, Jeremy, Graystone, Andrew: 9781919312804: Books )

g. The bodily resurrection of Christ, then ascending into heaven to reign and mediate as the world’s Saviour.

h. Salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone.

i. The work of the Holy Spirit, leading us to repentance, new life in Jesus, empowering us to follow and witness to Him 

j. The church – as Christ’s body and the priesthood of all believers — empowered and gifted by the Spirit to worship God and proclaim the gospel, promoting justice and love.

Yes – Jesus’s physical resurrection, salvation by grace through faith in Jesus, the work of the Spirit, the priesthood of all believers, the Church as Christ’s body. Absolutely.

k. The physical return of Jesus Christ to raise all people to judgement, bringing eternal life to the redeemed and eternal condemnation to the lost, and establishing a new heaven on earth 

Yes, to the return of Jesus, but I trust in God’s ultimate justice and mercy and beyond judgment I hold to a hopeful universalism – a hope in the eventual salvation of all. I do not believe eternal conscious torment of anyone reflects the character of Christ.

Again, I totally agree. Like the late great evangelical John Stott, I now recognise eternal condemnation of the lost is completely at odds with a God whose very essence is “love” (1 John 4:8). But as an ex-Calvinist my own universalism is beyond hopeful and I believe we’re ALL predestined to be saved! I’m now convinced the Bible firmly promises that ultimately everyone and everything will be reconciled with God in Christ so that “God may be all in all”  (1 Cor. 15:22-28). On this I’d highly recommend Thomas Talbot’s brilliant “The Inescapable Love of God” (To purchase, follow this link: The Inescapable Love of God: Second Edition: Amazon.co.uk: Talbott, Thomas: 9781625646903: Books )

In Summary:

●        I am a gay man.

●        I am married to Ben.

●        We are adoptive parents.

●        I am an ordained Methodist minister.

●        I love Scripture.

●        I love the Church.

●        I love Jesus.

●        None of those identities compete. They belong together.

And that, perhaps, is the truest thing I can say!

What a beautiful summary, Jason!  And though you don’t label yourself as an evangelical, your beliefs are at least as evangelical as my own! 

That is interesting! There’s something in the language of “evangelical” that I’m cautious of. The term has unfortunately been hijacked to mean conservative and fundamentalist.

Yes, sadly, and I’m totally horrified by what ”evangelical” has come to be associated with in the USA! That’s why some who formerly described themselves as evangelicals (like my previous pastor) now describe themselves as “post-evangelical”. For them, the term is too poisoned. But something in me still wants to fight to redeem the term! That’s why I tend to describe myself these days as a progressive or inclusive or affirming evangelical.

I do like the term “affirming evangelical” and I’m pleased there are some like you who want to retain the term!